Harry’s Horrors: The Awful Truth

Driving Us "Spare"

My return to this blog (which will mostly replace Twitter for commentary) is going to be very difficult. I have to ask that you all respect my trauma at this difficult time. It’s not easy, analyzing the brutal horrors that The Artist Formerly Known as Prince Harry has been subjected to, and I can feel the empathetic PTSD waves rising as I struggle to address it.

What heart can fail to be moved by “BedroomGate” - as we learned that, in Balmoral, His Royal Highness Prince Henry of Wales had the smaller side of a shared bedroom in Balmoral Castle.

“Willy had the larger half, with a double bed, a good-sized basin, a cupboard with mirrored doors, a beautiful window looking down on the courtyard, the fountain, the bronze statue of a roe deer buck. My half of the room was far smaller, less luxurious. I never asked why. I didn’t care. But I also didn’t need to ask.”

His Royal Highness was forced into the slightly less good half of a bedroom in Balmoral Castle as a child

Please, no. Stop. The unfairness is giving me palpitations. It’s getting hard to breathe. When you say “I didn’t care”, Your Grace, it’s pretty clear that you DID care as you are banging on about it as a grown man. “I never asked why. I didn’t need to ask”, you said. And you are quite correct. The older child gets more privileges. In most families. Not just yours. Yet you struggled bravely on. Salute. Frankly, I have no idea how the Duke of Sussex, aged only thirty, was able to cope when, after Harry left Clarence House upon quitting the Army to set up a “Bachelor Pad” in Nottingham Cottage, the Duchess of Cornwall converted his old bedroom into a dressing room. This poor youngster, barely out of his twenties, and simply horribly abused! “I did care”, Harry bravely revealed.

Down And Out in Kensington, London

The tragedy of the Royal Family’s endless bullying of this brave and tormented young man didn’t stop with the assault on thirty-year-old Harry’s super-special Sleepy Space after he moved out. Disgustingly, his father the then Prince of Wales forced his younger son into the absolute dive that is Nottingham Cottage, a picture-perfect small cottage wreathed with roses, enjoying its own garden, in the grounds of Kensington Palace in London’s most expensive neighborhood.

Nottingham Cottage, an idyllic white-picket fenced home, wreathed with roses, in the grounds of Kensington Palace. Prince Harry was bullied into living in this hovel by his wicked family

Can you imagine the vile bullying that forced Prince Harry to live with his beautiful American bride in, uh, exactly the same house that Willam and Kate lived in for two years after *their* wedding? The Duke of Sussex gave a fervent “clapback” to the hateful idea of being forced into such a pitiful hovel as he and Meghan visited Kensington Palace and the apartments of his brother and sister-in-law:

“The wallpaper, the ceiling trim, the walnut bookshelves filled with volumes of peaceful colors, priceless works of art," Harry recalls. "Magnificent. Like a museum." He goes onto add that he and Meghan were feeling slightly embarrassed over their IKEA furniture, saying, "We congratulated them on the renovation without holding back the compliments while feeling embarrassed of our IKEA lamps and the second-hand sofa we'd recently bought on sale with Meg's credit card on sofa.com.”

It’s unclear how the young couple could afford such fripperies. Although Prince Harry generously described his Z-lister wife as “very successful,” it must be remembered that Harry himself was struggling, having only inherited a trifling sixteen million dollars from his mother when he turned 30, and IKEA lamps can be expensive if you include the shipping (ARSTID, £19.99 or $24.39).

The dissection of Harry Sussex’s memoirs is going to be quite the task, but one thing that most media commentators have failed to notice is that, for once in their married lives, this moment is NOT about Meghan. The narcissistic Duchess of Sussex is a mere bit-player in this drama, and that must be heady stuff for Harry, who was unceremoniously booted out of the Oprah interview so that Meghan could have 80% of the spotlight; the tabloid press has been 95% Meghan, 5% Harry. But no more. “Prince of Wails”, the New York Post rather brilliantly screamed. This book is all about Harry; his racism, his bigotry, his dishonor, his greed, and his unworthiness to be a British duke or even to be considered a gentleman. Most Britons believe the Palace staff who accused Markle of bullying; now, we surely have to ask ourselves if self-obsessed Sussex was just as bad. Who makes money off the revelation that his traumatized father carried around his teddy into adulthood, and then starts tapping himself for PTSD?

Harry Sussex is right about one thing. There does indeed need to be accountability. From him. Not from the King, the Queen, or the Prince and Princess of Wales. From him, and his screeching harridan of a wife.

The brutal horrors of Ms. Meghan Markle saying that Her Royal Highness the Duchess of Cambridge was “forgetful with baby brain” as that righteous bridezilla blamed the exhausted new mother of Prince Louis before her wedding, then being (correctly) told this was rude and way too personal; the sad tales from Harry of how he and William allegedly badgered their father not to marry Camilla Parker Bowles, who has been an epically successful member of the Royal Family, yet the umbrage that he took when members of his family advised him against marrying Ms. Markle… was there no end to Harry’s suffering? Because his brother Prince William had the whole duty of Kingship ahead of him and, in fact, was older and thus, naturally, allowed more boyhood privileges, Harry equated every tiny slight, including imaginary ones, into a five-alarm fire. His Dad joked with his Mum about the “heir and the spare”? This means that Harry was “conceived for a kidney” “as a bloodbank” in the manner of a Stephen King novel. Yikes. Scary. We will return to the subject of Harry Sussex’s struggles in the next episode of “Keeping Up with the Crowndashians” as, I am sure all will agree, there is only so much blood and gore that one woman can take at a time.